If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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