I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
