So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
