Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
