once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
