the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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