She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
