we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
