i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
