you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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