I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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