what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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