What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
