I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
