if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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