Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
