He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
