Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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