im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
