Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
