I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
