you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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