I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
