I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
