You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This baby is an asshole
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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