I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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