you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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