Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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