Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
