Im at strip club and am horny
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
