ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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