She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
