If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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