dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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