did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
