You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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