tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
