just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
