Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
