the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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