his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
