did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
