can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am available for nakedness
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
