My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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