i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
