i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
