Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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