Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
