he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
