one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
