9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
