Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
