I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
