Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
