I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
