as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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