dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
