My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
