...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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