True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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