if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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