I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
