Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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