I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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