He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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