community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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