Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
