when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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