Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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