so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
