There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
