I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize