you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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