thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
