You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
