well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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