Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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