he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
