can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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