I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You are the jesus of drinking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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