Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
should my penis look like a turkey
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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