I puked a lego.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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