Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
