I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My bed smells like the plague
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
