he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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