I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
