soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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