I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
