What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
